Even as I sit here writing this, I can feel the muscles begin to knot up.

The days where it’s cold out are the worst. As are the days where it’s really hot. There seems to be no escape from the little nudges and reminders of what I have. Some days it gets really annoying. I keep thinking ‘Can’t I have one day where it doesn’t hurt?’

My body only answers with more pain, more nudges, more little kicks in the leg or my feet. My back has been horrible lately, a mass of hard muscle. Massages don’t do too much good anymore; the knots and the pain go too deep.

I try not to take too much in the way of medication. I don’t like the idea of taking a lot of meds and being doped up, being unable to live. I already have a part of life taken away from me; I won’t lose another part of it.

So I avoid pain killers even though there are some days it’s all I can do not to cry out. There are days where even putting one step in front of the other hurts like fire on the soles of my feet, but I’ll keep walking until the day I die.

So I guess maybe I’m a little stubborn.