There are days where I’m hardly bothered by the MS at all. I can walk with varying degrees of success. I can handle very flat surfaces and do pretty well getting around with minor balance issues. My muscles are tense and sore, but I’m all right with that. I do not know if this is caused by the CP symptoms or the MS ones; and I’m still learning about those.
Then there are the days where it’s difficult to get around, where every step is difficult. Not painful, exactly. More that my legs are heavy, my feet weighted differently; where my step is slightly off centre. It is like I have grown a triplet.
I was thinking of Cybil Paulsen the other day, that internal twin that was the disability I was born with. I referred to him in my writing from before. What would the other one be? I thought. How about Max Simone? It was difficult before, but my CP was very mild compared to so many others.
Now it is as if the Max is giving Cybil strength. Or there are days they war with each other. I don’t know Max very well, we’ve only really just met, you see. I’m still learning what he’s capable of.
I often feel like Cybil is on the right and Max is taking up the left. Sometimes they switch it up and have a little fun, just to make sure I’m paying attention. They’re funny that way. I know that way.
Yesterday was rough. It was as if my feet and legs were made of stone, all hard and heavy, unmanageable. In the evening it was as if I was moving my legs through molasses and they were made of stilts of wood.
Today, I was able to walk fairly well and my balance was all right, but my muscles are tensed up, like I’m having a mild whole body spasm. There’s no one area of pain, just an over all body hum.
I don’t know where one begins and one ends-which are the Cerebral Palsy symptoms and which belong to the Multiple Sclerosis? I don’t know anyone else that has both disabilities at once, so there’s no one I can ask- and Cybil and Max aren’t talking.