I am just beginning to learn the value of words.
Before writing this blog, I was under the impression that I have nothing of value to say. And so, instead, I made up stories.
Stories in far away places where magic was possible and where shadows fled from the light. Stories where anything could happen and often did.
When I started writing this blog, I figured that no one would really be moved by my own words, words that were spoken in my own voice. My own words are more difficult to write than stories; there is no fiction to hide behind and I cannot fool the reader with fragrant smoke and the subtle flash of mirrors.
As more and more people reacted to this blog, I realized that maybe my words did matter; maybe my own words did have a power all their own that. Power that went beyond the pull of a story.
I realised that the words here had the power to help, to heal and to let others know that they are not alone. It was quite a humbling epiphany.
But words have other powers too. The power to create beauty, the power to inspire. Or, in this case, the power to render me speechless.
I’ve been in talks with Scott Pack at The Friday Project, an incredible UK publisher. Scott liked my blog so much that I was asked to do a memoir based off the blog.
At first I thought it was like a dream. Me, write a memoir? Me, with nothing of value to say? The idea of me writing a memoir seemed funny at first, as if it were a big joke. But I had secretly always wanted to write one. A secret dream held close to my heart that I would never let into the world.
But the more I thought about it, the more I pondered, the more I started approaching the idea with a sense of awe. Finally, my words would mean something; finally my words would have value.
The idea of a memoir based off of this blog is a little frightening and I won’t pretend that it’s easy to write, but it’s liberating in a way. It’s humbling.
As are words I received from Scott Pack at The Friday Project. Yesturday, I received an email from him with the following words:
Yes, the contract has arrived back. You are now officially a Friday Project author. Congratulations!
These words, above all else, hold so much value for me. And for the first time in a very long time, I was rendered speechless.
I didn’t make a sound, really. I just read the words over and over again wondering if Scott had any idea how much those words meant to me. How much value the words had, though they were so few.
Words that had rendered me mute, even for a moment, so that I could listen to my heart beat and the world around me.
And a dream, finally realized in words, taking shape within me.