I have not been able to feel my right shoulder for three days.

I know it is there because it hurts. But there is a pain beneath the skin that obscures all else. It moves down my arm or down my back, depending on it’s will or desire and I wonder if maybe the muscle is rotting from the inside.

Motrin no longer takes the pain away and I wonder if they actually make anything stronger. I look at the pill bottle and wonder if I can go a pill or two over the reccomended daily dosage. I wonder how many pills it takes to make the pain stop.

I can’t feel my shoulder but I can certainly feel the spasms. Bright hot bursts of fire that lick at me; bite at me. I am so tired of their biting.

I count in my head, lest others hear me counting out loud and think I’m crazy.

1-2-3-4-5-6-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-6-5-4-3-2-1

I breathe iiiiiiinnnnn and ooooooouuuut and wonder what it’s all about. I do the hokey pokey and I turn myself around. Nothing seems to help.

It seems to be my burden to carry a phantom limb, this shoulder that throbs and knots it’s muscle. I wonder if it were to fall off, would I even notice?

Phantom limb is falling down, falling down, falling down. Phantom limb is falling down, my fair lady….