I have an MRI this evening at midnight.

I’ve done a very good job of not thinking about it all day but now that I’m home, it’s all I can think about.  This is the fourth MRI that I’ll be going through. I know what to expect. I suppose that’s part of the problem.

I’ll be rolled into a large metal tube. The tube has rings of metal and they will rotate as they take pictures of me through Magnetic Resonance Imaging. The pictures will show deep into my brain to see if any new lesions have developed.

It’s all rather fascinating…at least it would be if it wasn’t so unsettling. The MRI machine doesn’t leave you too much room to move around. I tend to get a little claustrophobic in small, enclosed spaces.

Then there is the dye they will most likely inject. The dye will run through my body and give them clearer pictures on what is going on. I will probably have a vest of some sort covering my chest and a contraption that never fails to remind me of Hannibal Lector that sits above and around my head so they can get accurate pictures of my head and neck.

I know this, I know all of this. I also know what will happen with the results. I have an appointment with my Neurologist on March 16th to go over the results. The results will determine whether or not I have to go on stronger medication. It all depends on whether or not new lesions have developed inside my brain.

I can’t think about any of that, despite the fact that the thoughts are never very far. I’m not ashamed to admit I’m nervous and a little bit afraid. However, I’ve survived much worse and come through in the end stronger and more determined to live. So this too shall pass.

I’ll simply use a mind trick that I used during my last MRI. It seemed to work well. When the machine starts, shaking the world around me with loud thumps and bangs, I’ll imagine the sounds are techno music. The last time, I could hear the music from Tron: Legacy by Daft Punk.

On the outside, magnetic rays will be taking pictures of my brain. On the inside, as soon as the machine starts, I will step into the music and I’ll be dancing. It’ll be over before I know it, one more notch on the path I am walking on.

I can almost hear the loud bass beat and the humming thrum of the treble.  I will remember to breathe and I’ll let the music take me away.