As the year begins to wind into darkness, I usually find myself starting to think of the main thing that I’d like to focus on for the year ahead. My focus words for 2025 were Bridges and Boundaries. The intent was that I would build an emotional bridge to those I wanted in my life and boundaries against those who I didn’t want or need in my life anymore. It’s been a year of personal growth and choosing me which is hard for me to do.

It’s also been a year of introspection as I learned more about myself. I came out as non-binary after a long time of trying to come to terms with who I was and how I wanted to live. I realized that I was neurodivergent and autistic and I was diagnosed with ADHD. It’s been a lot to learn and relearn about myself and what makes me the fabulous me that I am.

This year, I want the focus to be on self-love.

I am so tired of hating my body. I know that a large reason for this is because I was raised to hate myself. I was born with spastic cerebral palsy, and I was not the perfect son that my father wanted. He called me all kinds of slurs as a child growing up and it didn’t matter what I did, I was still a severe disappointment to him. When you couple that with growing up as a closeted gay kid, it makes things more difficult.

 I had to attend school with the help of a teachers aid. This was an embarrassment. My father didn’t and couldn’t understand why I needed the care I got at school. I would not have made it through elementary, junior high or the first grade of high school without the help I was given. I had several of them, but the one I remember the most is Ms. Darch. Thank goodness for her, she made my school days so lovely. At home, I was taught to believe that it wasn’t just my body that was wrong, it was my mind, too.

I’ve carried this around for a very long time and I’m tired of disliking myself because of the way my body looks or the way that my mind works. I’m sick of not looking at myself as I pass by a mirror or dismissing myself. I don’t want to talk myself down anymore when it isn’t my voice that’s doing it. The disability and disease that I live with have so much to do with how I perceive myself and though I’m confident in my abilities, skills, creativity, work ability, empathy and drive, I’m tired of looking at myself in the mirror and hearing the internal critic come to life with all kinds of things that it wants me to hear.  

Don’t worry, I love myself because everyone needs and deserves self-love. I just want to like myself more. Loving yourself it easy, it’s liking who you are that’s harder for me to do. I know almost all of who I am and who I have been. I want to like who I am becoming. My focus for 2026 is liking myself not just for my mind and spirit. I have to like my body, too. It’s a force to be reckoned with and it is stronger than I know.

The words I’m going to focus on for the coming year are like and love. Every day will be a chance for me to remember that all of me is worthy of loving and liking myself, not just parts of it.