I feel like I am wearing a different skin than normal.

It feels like my body is stretching inside, trying to fit itself into another shape, to move and twist and turn myself into someone else.

My shoulders and my upper back are spasming so much, I can feel the muscles moving like a twitch, a tick, a metronome beneath my skin.

My arms have gone numb. They feel like phantom limbs. I know they are there as I am typing, but I can’t feel them. My back is a roadway of twisted muscle and I wonder what can possibly soothe it.

I breathe deeply as I count.

1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11

I recite rhymes in my head; nursery rhymes and dirty limericks to keep my mind off the pain. I don’t want to cry out and draw attention to myself. That would be embarrassing.

And why is it someone asks if you are alright when it is very clear you are not? I recite a rhyme in my head to avoid useless questions:

–the rain in Spain lies mainly on the plain…

But the pain lies underneath the rhyme.