Today it is my feet that are bothering me.
I can’t seem to walk properly today; I don’t know why this is. I feel like I have clown feet today, cripple feet. I go to take a step and find myself tripping over my own feet.
This morning, while walking to work, I took a step and stumbled when my right foot caught on the floor. It felt like I was pulling it out of glue but when I looked down at it, there it was. My foot, looking normal and harmless.
My feet want me dead.
I tripped again on my walk to work and heard someone behind me laugh. I turned and I guess the look on my face quieted them. They shrugged and gave me a weak smile.
I said nothing and went to take another step when my right foot flipped again, this time causing me to finally hit the ground.
The person who laughed at me did not move to help me up but watched as I stood with difficulty, already feeling my legs seize up due to the unwanted strain. She laughed again and pointed at the offending appendages.
“You have two left feet.” she said.
“They are clown feet.” I replied and walked away from her, perhaps wondering what I meant.
In truth, this has been happening allot lately. The toes of my feet catch on the ground when they touch first and I keep walking.
No matter how much I concentrate –
I find myself stumbling, falling into others, unable to keep my balance on moving buses. I’m not sure what my legs, my feet, my muscles are trying to tell me.
Are they crying out in protest because I continue to walk? My muscles are quiet today after their fall. They have achieved what they wanted to do, perhaps?
I wipe away a tear of frustration (how did this get on my face?) and force my mouth into a grim line. I will not let my own body beat me, I will not succumb.
But this thought occurs to me: How long can I battle myself?