I was sitting at a potluck dinner table. I just remember feeling a blinding red flash of pain cross my shoulders. As I sat there, it ran down my spine and through the rest of my body. It was as if the needles that normally filled my body had found a way out and were settling over me like a cloak.
As the night wore on, the pain became worse. I normally live with some sort of daily pain or discomfort, but never anything like this. It took all my concentration to focus on the conversation around me, what was going on; all I could see or hear or sense was the pain.
Sleeping was near impossible but I drifted off eventually. The needles went into my dreams and my sleep was fitful.
This morning when I woke, my entire body hurt: my legs, my arms, my feet, everything. My shoulders were wearing a mantle and my body once again wore a cloak of needles. Even as I sit here typing this, my legs are throbbing, my muscles spasming. My arms and body are heavy, my entire body hurts. I have not experienced pain like this with the Cerebral Palsy, so I know the chronic pain is down to the Multiple Sclerosis.
It is as if every time I breathe, it pulls the needles deeper. Every step makes new needles in my cloak and it’s impossible to get comfortable; but I continue breathing. I walk slowly but I’m walking. I move slowly, but I am moving.
As long as I do that, I know that I’m alive. As long as I do that, I am living. One day at a time.