I measure my life in terms of positivity.
That might seem odd to some, but it’s just how I roll. I’m in pain all the time, but you wouldn’t know it. Either my legs are spasming or my back is quaking or my shoulders are shaking, but I don’t let it bother me. What’s a little (or a lot) of pain when there is a life to be lived?
I was reminded of how far I’ve come this afternoon. In 2014, I moved to a new apartment. I remember going to get groceries and attempting to carry them back to my new home. The walk, BMS (Before Multiple Sclerosis) would have taken me ten minutes or so as the grocery store was just down the street from my place.
Instead, AMS (After Multiple Sclerosis) the whole trip took me about forty-five minutes. It was agony and I had to keep putting the bags down as my arms couldn’t handle the weight. My body was shot afterwards and all I could do was rest for the evening. My body, mind and spirit were done.
I was reminded of that trip today. We are moving offices at work, so I had to bring all my personal effects home. I had four large bags to take home and they were heavy. I wasn’t sure how I would do trying to take them home on the bus, but I would give it the old college try.
I managed to get them from the office to the bus stop. Thankfully, a lovely woman helped me get the bags on to the bus. I was worried about the walk to home after I got off the bus, though. That would be the real challenge. The distance from my bus stop to my home was about the same length as it was between the grocery store and my apartment three years ago.
Getting off the bus, I felt the weight of the bags but knew, somehow, that I could do this. I had three people offer to help me on the way; I guess they could see me struggling a little bit. I thanked each of them because I knew, without a doubt, that I could do this. I made it all the way home on my own. My arms are the tiniest bit shaky, but compared to three years ago where I was done for the rest of the day, today I sit here writing this.
For me, that is quite the accomplishment. It’s a cause for celebration because it’s proof of how far I’ve come. I remember how despondent I was three years ago carrying my groceries home. When I compare that to how I feel right now? No comparison.
So tonight, I am going to be thankful that I am on the right path to health and I’m going to celebrate. Life is meant to be lived.
And I’m going to keep on living.