It’s hard to believe that it’s already been ten years.

I remember when I was first diagnosed. At the moment that the neurologist said those words, I thought my life was over.

“I’m so sorry, you have relapse and remitting multiple sclerosis.”

 What I didn’t know was that it was beginning all over again.

The past ten years have been full of so much living and so much life. There were a few things that I had to let go of. The first thing that I let fall away was a mentally abusive relationship. It’s been ten years since I’ve spoken to him, but I remember the first words that he said to me after the diagnosis when we were alone in my apartment.

“Well, you’re a broken man now.”

I remember believing him for a moment, feeling so muchemotion inside of me, until I realized that if he was right and I was broken, I would have to heal myself. I knew that I would have to change a lot things like the way I thought of myself and the way that I looked at myself when I was in front of the mirror. Most of all, since the moment that he had uttered those hateful word, I knew that I had to get rid of him.

When I did that, everything changed.

Over the past ten years, I’ve constantly proven to myself that I’m anything but broken. I’m man different things: I’m a writer, able to call worlds into being. I’m an artist, able to give my imagination form. I’m a tarot card reader, able to delve into my mind, body and spirit and figure out some of the mysteries of the world.

I’m a husband, a lover and a friend. I’m a son, a fur baby daddy. I am an animal lover; I have a wicked and sometimes sarcastic and sardonic sense of humour. I am constantly looking at the brighter side of life but have let go of toxic positivity. I love nature and am often called to walk outside so that I can feel the light of the sun.

I am drawn to the arcane and the shadows so that I can find the light. I have learned to acknowledge my emotions and deal with them instead of pushing them down or away from me. I love learning about history so that I can know where I came from and where I’d like to go. I don’t look at the world from the perspective of someone who thinks their life is over, but from the perspective of someone who knows that there is so much of life left to explore.

A small part of me wants to reach out to that incredibly abusive man because without those words echoing in my mind, I would not have constantly proven to myself that I’m not broken. Instead, I feel like I was cracked open so that the seed within me could find the room to grow and the light could find a way in.

It’s been an incredible ten years. I met a man that I fell in love with and he is my husband, my lover and my best friend. Together, we’ve explored so many sights that the world has had to show us. I’ve met so many people and my life is full of family, friends, love and togetherness. I am a different person than I was ten years ago. I look back at the person I was and, though I see parts of who I was, I don’t see who I am now.

What I do see is that this past ten years has been a journey of growth and becoming. I was a caterpillar, ready to do the messy work that needed to be done so that I could become the butterfly. Over the next ten years, I’m ready going to spread my wings and see where I am going to go.

I’m ready to fly.