My body is unsure of itself.

I wake up with my legs feeling like someone has tightened all my muscles during the night. Walking is difficult and wobbly. I know it’s because of the spasms that happen during the night and they rebel at having to walk after such a turbulent evening.

Once I get going, it’s okay. I’m able to get to work and go about throughout the day, ignoring the humming of the muscles.

I have to be careful though. I never know when or how my body will react. There are moments during the day where I can walk fine, where it’s like it used to be. This is usually followed by periods where walking is difficult or neat impossible. It can depend on the day or merely the time of day. It follows no rhyme nor reason.

I just go with it. During the course of the day, I’m reminded of things I won’t be able to do again. I won’t ever dance without a cane, drive a car, can’t run or ride a bike. I look at people walking by, enjoying their day, and ponder on what was taken from me.

Oddly enough, the MS has given me a lot, too. It’s made the small things such big victories. Ordinary things I never thought of like taking out the garbage, cleaning the kitchen floor, vacuuming, doing the laundry or groceries.

Doing the small things that I used to do without thinking, that I used to take for granted, is a gift. The MS raging inside my body with the CP has given me a new perspective on life, lots of small joys and tons to be thankful for.

I’m thankful to be eating normal food again. I’m thankful I can drink coffee once more. And all those simple household chores? It’s a struggle to get them done, but I’m thankful for each of them.

I’m thankful for them because each small victory reminds me that I have so much to be grateful for.