I had a personal victory today.

My body is at its worst in the mornings. For almost a year, I’ve been having issues getting dressed. My left leg is fine and I’m able to put it in my pantleg with no issues. My right leg has been giving me problems. I can lift it, but I can’t move it; my brain and leg muscles just ignore the command. I must reach over with my left hand and try to pull my right leg towards the pantleg and sort of slide my foot in.

When I first noticed this, I tried to put pants on in a variety of different ways, but my right leg would have none of it. I always had to reach out for my right leg and guide it no matter what I did.

I feel like my body has been a battleground lately. Since the flare up a few weeks ago, the symptoms I live with have been a lot more present than usual. When I walk, I can’t pick up my feet very well or at all. There are a couple of times that I’ve almost fallen and lost my balance in the shower. I’ve begun to walk with a cane when I out alone, just in case. The spasms and pain levels are down, thanks to the reiki and acupuncture, but they are still there. My exhaustion and fatigue levels have been ever present and some days, they feel so much heavier, it’s all I can do to get dressed.

Acupuncture, reiki, swimming and exercise are helping me to stay mobile and keep my pain levels down, but they can only do so much. Every little thing I do for myself, and my body helps, but there are always going to be issues that I’m dealing with. It’s just a fact of life for me. Despite all of that, there is joy.

Such as my personal victory: I was able to move my right leg into my jeans without any thought. I didn’t have to reach out and pull my leg over, I didn’t have that moment where I felt like I wouldn’t be able to move my leg at all while I waited for my morning brain to reset.

Today, I was able to move my leg in a way I haven’t been able to for a year and that brings me so much joy indeed.